Journal

Well it is Monday again! I absolutely hate Mondays! Weekends are suppose to be for resting and having fun, well why arent mine like that? I guess I do have fun, I always try to anyways, but I usually sleep, mess around on the computer and work on the weekends. Somedays I am full of energy and I get a lot done, and some days, I just mope about.

I bash a lot on people who cannot be independant, but in reality I think that is me. I mean I can survive on my own, but I cant stand to be alone. You wont ever find me dining alone, or doing anything alone unless I have to. The only thing that I like to be alone for is cleaning house. I dont like anyone in my way. When everyone is home, I just dont want to do it. Its like I cant stand for everyone to see me slaving away or something. I cant understand it even. But when I bash on people, its when they are with someone in order to fill that void, even if they are not worth it. See I could be alone if there wasnt a person I cared for, but I probably wouldnt do shit!

Lately Chris works a lot and so I havent done shit, because I dont want to do it alone and my brother is always home, so I dont really want to clean either! So you guessed it, I havent been doing shit! Oh well, I will just go at it one day and do everything.

I wish that Chris and I shared more interests. The things I want to do, he doesnt and the things he does, I dont. Maybe its the age gap thing? This darn motorcycle thing really irritates me. I dont really have a good reason why, maybe a couple but even I know it sounds a bit ridiculous at times, but maybe I am afraid his age is showing! HA! There is no way I would have dated him had he had the stupid thing when we were dating.

I am going to LA this weekend for a family reunion, I am not sure to be happy or what. I love going to LA, its just the whole family thing that can be unnerving. I love them to death but they can all be so incredible at times. Sometimes they are the greatest, giving and caring for eachother and other times they are at eachothers necks and just plain greedy. I am hoping that those genes dont kick in any time soon.

I have to put this in for record: Chris is the best! He bought me a dress I have been drooling over forever! I probably could have gotten it myself had I really wanted to, but I have been trying not to buy any big ticket items and I really didnt need it. I guess Chris got tired of my whining and so I let him get it for me. I really dont like him buying me stuff at all. I mean its nice to get something once in a while but I hate him saying " you want it, i'll get it for you". Its like saying "hey sugar daddy, hook it up". And then I feel guilty. I have had people do things that I thought were sincerely out of kindness and then made me feel guilty about it, or that I owed them afterwards, so I hate that.

Tomorrow we have another date! Yeah, and I get to pick where this time, I still havent decided though. I have been working on my catering menu so I might try something different to get ideas..

Anyways, I am dying until I go to LA! I need some taquitos!

Another week has gone by...and not much has happened. I mean of course things happen, but not half of the stuff I should have done got done. I finally make a calendar for myself to keep myself organized. I have a regular calendar and an entry for everyday, a to do list, a to buy list, and a grocery list. I think I was able to scratch a couple things off the to buy list and a few more off of my to do list, but they are both still very long.

I re-did the index of my website again! I cannot seem to be satisfied with the designs. I decide on something, then I do it, then I am bored a week later with it. My new design might stick around a while though. It really reflects me, or what I want to be reflected. Hopefully this new index with all of its new pages, will keep me busy so as not to get bored with it. I have been working on it every day!

As for work, I am stumped with what to do. I have been really working on trying to make sure that all of my work is error free. Even when it is, then they want something changed, or each person in my office wants it in a certain way. Very stressful! I love my job, but sometimes I feel that I get the short end of the stick around the office. I would have to say that jsut about everything that comes through the door hits my desk at some point or another, but they dont realize that I have to work with each person in the office on top of my crap! Oh well, hopefully it pans out in the end. Maybe it is all just a test.

Chris and I have been trying to find a room mate and it isnt working. I have a couple of requirements that I guess are a bit hard to find. Since I am going to be doing fostering, I cant have certain people at the house, like felons. This could be a problem though anyways. My brother has 2 felonies I think and I couldnt send him away. This is going to be a tough one. I really want to move into this house, but the only way is if we have a room mate to help out.

I have been toying around with some catering ideas. I made a menu layout and everything, I just have to finish my menu. I am going to put it up on my website, maybe someone will actually hire me! Well not anytime soon though...probably.

Well another week has gone by. They just seem to go by..rather quickly. I guess I accomplished most of what I was suppose to, but I still feel that it wasnt much. Last week I attended my first meeting for foster parenting in my county. I have been interested in this for a while now.

I always new I wouldnt want kids of my own, but as the years go by I know even more that it is true. At first I think it was just because I wanted to prove something, because well everyone else has kids, and I wanted to be different. But the more I think about it, the more I feel about it. There are so many homeless, neglected, abused and unwanted children in the world that if I wanted to be a mother, I would want one of those. Everyone thinks I just dont want to ruin my body! I dont know if it is because I really fee for them or because I feel that I should. I think I would understand a child like that beacuse in a way I was in those circumstances. I feel that I should have been in foster care, or anywhere besides where I was because I never felt that I was wanted, properly taken care of, or even safe.

I dont know what got me interested in the foster care system, but I just found myself at the fosterparenting.com website looking for ways that I could be involved. I think I knew that I would want to do this one day so I decided to read up on it. I ended up reading a series of books by Dave Peltzer that made me decide that now was as good as any time to start learning as much as I could. Thats when I decided to attend the orientation in my county. Most of the stuff that was brought up, I had already read about beacuse I had done my research. I was a little upset that not many others had. There were people there that were also interested in adoption that were also upsetting. You see when working with the county through this type of program, you are suppose to be able to take in any child beacuse you want to help. Granted you can choose to only take in certain age groups, or not any with certain disabilities, but these people were just horrible. In my case, since I am so young, I can only take in children at least 10 years younger than me. I've also decided not to take in any infants or children with very high maintenance disabilities until I feel that I am properly trained for(which they do as soon as they know you will be taking in such a shild), but other than that I am open to any child who needs a home. Most of these people at the meeting had to have only infants with no medical problems and they had to be a certain race, religion, you name it. I was shocked. Most kids in the foster care system do have health issues or are already older. These kids were taken out of their homes for some reason, so they are bound to have psychological or health issues. It was very hard to figure out if I could really do this after all of this. After watching videos of interviews with the children and hearing about all the training and regulations, it sounded overwhelming. With my already hectic schedule I was a little uncertain.

The host was telling us about a 13 year old girl in one of her programs who had asked if she could come to our meetings so that she could talk to us. She said that she wanted to come and talk to us and that maybe someone would want to adopt her because she wanted a home so bad. She was willing to do anything. I hope all those people felt horrible! Not only is that brave of that little girl, but its just sad! At the end of the meeting they asked that whomever was still interested to sign up for the next training classes and I had already had my paperwork filled out to turn in.

So I start my training in September and then I will have to get CPR certified. After that I will have to have a background check, have my house inspected and depending on how I feel then, I may be a foster parent! It is still a little overpowering the thought of this, but I know this is something that I will take very seriously. I always knew that I was going to work with kids in this type of situation, but I never thought it would be now. I never thought I would be ready at this point in my life to handle someone else going through what I did, but I am so ready.

I have gotten a lot of mixed feeling from everyone on this. I know my boyfriends is going nuts counting the days till I become certified, but he still supports me. He is probably the only one though! He knew that I never wanted to have kids of my own, but I guess he didnt think that I would even consider something like this. I think everyone thought I didnt want kids because I couldnt stand them, and in most cases that was the case. I grew up where everyone had lots of kids and they just ran havoc and I really thought they were nothing but work and work. Now I dont really see it that way. I will only be fostering kids betweeen the ages of 5-12 at first. But I am used to everyone and their opinions on my ideas and activities, so no matter what I am going to follow through with this.

As for the rest of my week, I started my bartending shift at night during the week and although I only made a small amount of money, I actually wasnt that pooped. I got home around 3 and it worked out fine. Lets see how things continue to go...

I got to go out Friday night with some people that was an interesting night. My landlord has his sons soccer coaches from England here for a camp they are doing staying at his house and so I had the night off and he asked me to show them around. We ended up going to my usual spot in the city, and we all had a blast. We then headed over to Kellys and there was a huge brawl going on in the street. We finally made it in after a while and pigged out on Pizza before heading on home. They must have had a good time because they were all passed out as I drove home!

I went shopping on Saturday, something I havent done in a while. I planned to go and just pick up some much needed new sneakers, well I got everything but that! Well I picked up a shirt for a friend, a couple for me and some Laker Gear. When I finally found a pair of sneakers that fit and that I liked, my card would not work at the register! At first I thought, maybe I used the wrong one and I didnt have enough on it. But no, the lady said "well sometimes if you use your card a lot in the mall it wont work anymore". WHAT?!! So as you can imagine I was mad, but oh well I had even opened a bag of socks to try on the shoes, but she didnt say anything. I decided to try my card at another store, so I headed off to CostPlus, and sure enough, it worked like a charm, same as at Macy's.

So I have been bitchin at Chris latley, I admit it. Ever since he took this new managers position, he is never home. I know I am probably one of the most spoiled girls ever, but I am not used to not having him around. He is always home or calling me or bugging me, and I must have gotten used to it because all I have been doing is complaining now that he isnt doing that. First I complain when he does it, now I complain when he doesnt. Doesnt he know that he has to somehow balance it out, LOL! So anyways, today is his first day off in forever so tonight he is taking me out. We actually have a date! Havent had one of those in a while...

What a long weekend! I absolutely love holiday weekends, I mean who wouldnt love getting an extra day or so off from the 9-5? Well even though I get a normal day off of work, that just means an extra day of working for the other J-O-B. But really I didnt mind. July fourth was a great day for me. I have been having more of those lately...thank goodness! I woke up at a decent hour even though I usually sleep in whenever I can, for as long as I can and then my brother and I headed downtown for the festivities.

They usually have this huge parade with food, booths and a car display, and carnival, but this year I didnt think it was that big...but it was still fun. I managed to pick up some groovy looking air plants, a sushi press, and a sign that I thought would be cool as a gift. We then headed over to my grandmas apartment building where she has events for the people in her building on holidays. We helped her a little, chowed down and started making our way back home. On the way, I stopped at the thrift store. I hadnt been to one in years! I bought a couple cute little boy t-shirts. They always have something groovy at those stores! I also stopped by this new book shop that was on the way that I have been wanting to go to but just havent. I bought 3 books that I am sure will be worth the $60!

After getting home and washing up, I am off to work. Not too sure how things are going to be, so I am a little edgy. That was the first night working for someone else at the club. My catering gig ended last weekend because the owners were able to get a tenant willing to pay a lot more than I was. It will now be a Pizza place and I will still have a position there, but what posistion is unknown still. Did I mention that the weather was awesome?! Well it was. Work that day was just about the same as it always was when I was there, except I didnt have to do as much work, I didnt have to prep or organize anything, and I probably made more money too! I guess not being your own boss isnt so bad..

Another opportunity came upon me as well this weekend. I might be a kiddie bartender, as I call it. The club is going to need some new bartenders to serve sodas and juice for their 18+ parties and well I suppose it may eventually work up to something else. But anyway, in the mean time, could get me some experience and opportunities there.

Last night my brother, Ana and I made sushi! It was real fun too. I wanted to try out my new sushi press and so we went shopping and got all kinds of cool stuff and then we started rolling...after some practive rolls we were making some yummy stuff.

Anyways, I guess that is most of my weekdend..adios.