Journal

Well I actually have the next two days off! I have not had two days off straight in months. I havent even had one day off besides the one I stayed home sick like a month ago. I think I will just sleep....

Dear Monica,

You are a wonderful woman. I read these words for the very first time just last night and I cried. "Love is not measured by months or years, but by the laughter, joy and tears that are shared by people who care for eachother."

I havent cried whether it be for happiness or sadness in a while. I always knew you loved me, I just dont know if you know the same. I cant always call, write, or visit, but it never stops me from knowing and I dont need anything to remind me, I just know. Reading those words for the first time, doesnt reinforce that, it only brings your level of love up even more.

I will never love anyone so unconditionally as you, and I probably never would have learned to love at all if it werent for you. I owe everything to you. I owe who I am now to you. And the only way I can feel that I can repay you is by trying as hard as you do, to be the most positive person I can be and to let you know this. I would never admit anything of this sort to anyone, and I probably never will. But I have no fears, no inhibitions whatsoever in sharing this with everyone, in telling how much you mean to me.

You've saved my life in so many ways that I can never truly repay you, but I can try my hardest and damn it I will.

With all my love,
Yvonne

Russella, you just made my day. Actually more like my whole month or more even! I am the happiest personalive today!

Boobie Jiggler. I said I would write about them in my journal today, but I really dont know where to start. So there.

I hate attention. I think most people know that about me. I can be easily embarrassed if I am given too much attention. I revolt at being put on the spot, even if for the most miniscule things. I will refuse if asked to do something that would attract attention or if it is asked in a demanding way. And I am stubborn about it. If someone tries to do any of those things, I will refuse and never give in, no matter how stupid it may seem. That goes with compliments, I dont know how to handle them, its attention to me.

Some people are aggressive in nature and can come off as demanding, and some people really are. These people scare me, they cause me to be on the guard at all times. I think this goes back to my social fears which I thought I had outgrown. I think in reality I just learned to avoid those situations very well. I can see or invision a trap coming and run.

I love to socialize, dont get me wrong, its just the attention that scares me. I can carry a one on one conversation just fine, but once more eyes come upon me, and more people question, comment and see me, it gets confining. I feel trapped, and I feel like I am being expected to cater, or prove something to all these people.

Not too many people catch my eye. And I dont mean in the physical attraction way. I mean in the peak my interest kind of way. Dont get me wrong, everyone interests me in a way. I love seeing how others interact and to hear how they think and feel, but there are only a few that I want to really know more about than that. After I've found someone to peak my interest, I relax and stop worrying about confrontation because I have found a comfort spot.

I am more of a people watcher and observer. I learn more listening and just watching than I do most time partaking in a conversation. While engaging in a conversation, you have to be on your toes, you have to think about what is being said, and you cant wander. If you are just listening or watching, you can see, hear everyone and think as much as you'd like without any expectations.

A comfort spot and a safe distance from the action is the perfect way to get through an event for me.

No one has plans for Thanksgiving, and I will be mortified if theres nothing. Its my favorite holiday! I love just staying home, cooking all day and night, then eating all day and night in a warm cozy house sipping on some yummy warm drink.

Nice talking to ya guys. Just like old times...(**SMILE**), yes there were good old times.

Alex, on alexthegirl.com had her identity stolen! It was kind of funny seeing as she is europeand the girl who stole her identity was cuban, but I am sure it must have pissed her off. I would be if all my hard work was stolen. She is a fabulous writer, and person, so I feel for her so I had to go to the theifs website and write a nice comment in her guestbook. hehe.

In other going ons I lost a friend, I think. Maybe not lost, but they certainly drifted away. I miss them in a way, but there is nothing I can do about it. This happens a lot though I guess, maybe I shouldnt worry. Maybe they will be back :) who knows. I am too busy to worry anyways...

I may be going to LA soon, yippee. Its been a while. I am so glad, I need a break. I need to be home for a while. I need to see old friends...all that good stuff.

This week, and always I am thankful for something. I am thankful that people think of me. I always get emails from old friends, family or people I met at some time. It really warms me to think that people would take the time to write me, that they were thinking of me. Thank you.

Now that didnt take long did it?! Today was suppose to be a holiday. I worked though, which didnt bother me at all. But a lot of people did have it off. Still I did not hear anything about it, or see anything about it, now thats kind of sad.

Yes I know everyone knows its a holiday and they love getting a day off from work, but it is to memorialize something right? Not that anyone will actually read this, but here ya go..

Official recognition of the end of the first modern global conflict -- World War I - - was made in a concurrent resolution (44 Stat. 1982) enacted by Congress on June 4, 1926, with these words:

WHEREAS the 11th of November 1918, marked the cessation of the most destructive, sanguinary, and far reaching war in human annals and the resumption by the people of the United States of peaceful relations with
other nations, which we hope may never again be severed, and

WHEREAS it is fitting that the recurring anniversary of this date should be commemorated with thanksgiving and prayer and exercises designed to perpetuate peace through good will and mutual understanding between
nations; and

WHEREAS the legislatures of twenty-seven of our States have already declared November 11 to be a legal holiday: Therefore be it Resolved by the Senate (the House of Representatives concurring), That the President of the United States is requested to issue a proclamation calling upon the officials to display the flag of the United States on all Government buildings on November 11 and inviting the people of the United States to observe the day in schools and churches, or other suitable places, with appropriate ceremonies of friendly relations with all other peoples.

An Act (52 Stat. 351; 5 U. S. Code, Sec. 87a) approved May 13, 1938, and the 11th of November in each year a legal holiday - - a day to be dedicated to the cause of world peace and to be hereafter celebrated and known as "Armistice Day. "

Armistice Day was primarily a day set aside to honor veterans of World War I, but in 1954, after World War II had required the greatest mobilization of soldiers, sailors, marines and airmen in the Nation's history; after American forces had fought aggression in Korea, the 83rd Congress, at the urging of the veterans service organizations, amended the Act of 1938 by striking out the word "Armistice" and inserting in lieu thereof the word "Veterans. " With the approval of this legislation
(Public Law 380) on June 1, 1954, November 11th became a day to honor American veterans of all wars.

Later that same year, on October 8th, President Dwight D. Eisenhower issued the first "Veterans Day Proclamation " which stated:
"In order to insure proper and widespread observance of this anniversary, all veterans, all veterans' organizations, and the entire citizenry will wish to join hands in the common purpose. Toward this end, I am designating the Administrator of Veterans' Affairs as Chairman of a Veterans Day National Committee, which shall include such other persons as the Chairman may select, and which will coordinate at the national level necessary planning for the observance. I am also requesting the heads of all departments and agencies of the Executive branch of the Government to assist the

National Committee in every way possible."

A letter from the President to the Honorable Harvey V. Higley, Administrator of Veterans' Affairs, was sent on the same date designating him to serve as Chairman. In 1958, the White House advised the VA's General Counsel that there was no need for another letter of appointment
for each new Administrator, as the original proclamation in 1954 established the Committee with the Administrator of Veterans' Affairs as Chairman.

The Uniforms Holiday Bill (Public Law 90-363 (82 Stat. 250)) was signed on June 28, 1968, and was intended to insure three-day weekends for Federal employees by celebrating four national holidays on Mondays-Washington's Birthday, Memorial Day, Veterans Day, and Columbus Day. It was thought that these extended weekends would encourage travel, recreational and cultural activities and stimulate greater industrial and
commercial production. Many states did not agree with this decision and continued to celebrate the holidays on their original dates. The first Veterans Day under the new law was observed with much confusion on October 25, 1971.

It was quite apparent that the commemoration of this day was a matter of historic and patriotic significance to a great number of our citizens, and so on September 20th, 1975, President Gerald R. Ford signed Public Law 94-97 (89 Stat. 479), which returned the annual observance of Veterans Day to its original date of November 11, beginning in 1978.

This action supported the express will of the overwhelming majority of the State legislatures, all major service organizations and the American people.

The restoration of the observance of Veterans Day to November 11 not only preserves the historical significance of the date, but helps focus attention on the
important purpose of Veterans Day: a celebration to honor America's veterans for their patriotism, love of country, and willingness to serve and sacrifice for the common good.

For P. M. Release October 8, 1954
Murray Snyder, Assistant Press Secretary To The President

THE WHITE HOUSE OFFICE

Lowery Air Force Base
Denver

In connection with the signing of the proclamation on Veterans

Day, the President today sent the following letter to the Honorable Harvey V. Higley, Administrator of Veterans' Affairs:

Dear Mr. Higley:

I have today sighed a proclamation calling upon all of our citizens to observe Thursday, November 11, 1954 as Veterans Day. It is my earnest hope that all veterans, their organizations, and the entire citizenry will join hands to insure proper and widespread observance of this day.

With the thought that it will be most helpful to coordinate the planning, I am suggesting the formation of a Veterans Day National Committee. In view of your great personal interest as well as your official responsibilities, I have designated you to serve as Chairman. You may include in the Committee membership such other persons as you desire to select and I am requesting the heads of all departments and agencies of the Executive branch to assist the Committee in its work in every way possible.

I have every confidence that our Nation will respond wholeheartedly in the appropriate observance of Veterans Day, 1954.

Sincerely,
DWIGHT D. EISENHOWER

Veterans Day, 1954

BY THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

A PROCLAMATION

3071

Whereas it has long been our customs to commemorate November 11, the anniversary of the ending of World War I, by paying tribute to the heroes of that tragic struggle and by rededicating ourselves to the cause of peace; and

Whereas in the intervening years the United States has been involved in two other great military conflicts, which have added millions of veterans living and dead to the honor rolls of this Nation; and

Whereas the Congress passed a concurrent resolution on June 4, 1926 (44 Stat. 1982), calling for the observance of November 11 with appropriate ceremonies, and later provided in an act approved May 13, 1938 (52 Stat. 351) , that the eleventh of November should be a legal holiday and should be known as Armistice Day; and

Whereas, in order to expand the significance of that
commemoration and in order that a grateful Nation might pay appropriate homage to the veterans of all its wars who have contributed so much to the preservation of this Nation, the Congress, by an act approved June 1, 1954 (68 Stat. 168), changed the name of the holiday to Veterans Day:

Now, Therefore, I, Dwight D. Eisenhower, President of the
United States of America, do hereby call upon all of our citizens to observe Thursday, November 11, 1954, as Veterans Day. On that day let us solemnly remember the sacrifices of all those who fought so valiantly, on the seas, in the air, and on foreign shores, to preserve our heritage of freedom, and let us reconsecrate ourselves to the task of promoting an enduring peace so that their efforts shall not have been in vain.

I also direct the appropriate officials of the Government to arrange for the display of the flag of the United States on all public buildings on Veterans Day.

In order to insure proper and widespread observance of this anniversary, all veterans, all veterans' organizations, and the entire citizenry will wish to wish to join hands in the common purpose.

Toward this end, I am designating the Administrator of Veterans' Affairs as Chairman of a Veterans Day National Committee, which shall include such other persons as the Chairman may select, and which will coordinate at the national level necessary planning for the observance. I am also requesting the heads of all departments and agencies of the Executive branch of the Government to assist the National Committee in every way possible.

IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand and cause the al of the United States of America to be affixed.

Done at the City of Washington this eighth day of October in the Year of our Lord nineteen hundred and fifty-four, and of the Independence of the (SEAL) United States of America the one hundred and seventy-ninth.

DWIGHT D. EISENHOWER
By the President:

JOHN FOSTER DULLES
Secretary of States.

Somedays I have so much to write, I cant type fast enough. Some days I have nothing at all to say, and some days I have a lot to say I just dont know how to write it.

Today I know there must be a lot I could write, but I dont know what, or where to start. I will leave it at that for now.

I waited. I dont know what else to do. You cant make people talk. I dont understand.

I have dealt with a lot of loss in my life, and infact most people have. At the age of 23, I have learned a lot more about it than I would ever choose on 5 people. It happend though and I try to think that its for the best, but how can it always be. I had a very difficult time trying to understand how Ganinos death was suppose to happen, was for the best, all of that. I still do. I tell myself he was too good for this world, but it doesnt always help.

Within my first month of school at Dulce, my junior year a classmate commited suicide. There were quite a few more suicides in the community by the time I had graduated. I had never experienced anything like this before. I had never though about it before. I mean I had read about it, and thought about it that way, but I never understood why people did this.

I always thought that it was the cowardly way out, or the easy way out. I was a survior, I never even considered it an option because I wanted to show everyone I could do anything. I had so much to look forward to, even if it was hard at the time. If life didnt kill me, I sure as hell wasnt going to. But there was a time that I once thought about it more than anything. I obssessed about it. Not about doing it, but just about it. I wanted to know everything about it. That is so Yvonne most people would say, to find an interest and become it. But anyways, I studied it, I read everything I could about it, I did it all, I wanted to know why.

I found out why one day. I woke up that day and I was so exhausted from crying myself to sleep. I had done that a lot but it was starting to wear on me. I wanted so much from life, and I felt that it was never going to come together. No matter what I did, it fell apart, it even seemed that the more I tried, meant the more it was going to hurt because it would be ruined or for nothing.

I felt the tip of my sanity slipping from me. I had never felt that way ever. I always felt in control. All I had to do was be patient and I would eventually have my freedom, the ability to start a new life where I could be happy, and the feeling of happiness. I always had hope, always. I never felt that happiness was beyond me, but just over the corner. This day none of that was there. I had nothing and I was afraid I never would.

I was lucky enough to have one person who could save me from that hopelessness. I was very close to the edge and I think because I was able to fool myself for so long that it was really just building up inside. I now understood why.

Now when it happens, because it still does, and I fear more often, I understand. Most people see it as something that was bound to happen, but then why, that is m new question. Why let it happen. This I hope I never know because if I knew, I would never let it happen.

I have a hard time reading people sometimes. Not because I cant read them, but because I dont trust them. I always find ways to support my thinking they are out for the worse. I dont react to it that way, but it will be in the back of my mind at all times.

I dont like people being able to read me however. I am very good at changing my manner in order to mask it, like its a secret or something, not because I am sneaky or I want to hide anything, but because I dont like to share myself. Even if its a good thing, I dont welcome attention, and maybe thats what I am afraid of.

Someone mentioned something about that this weekend. They told me that right when they think they know how I am going to react I always surprise them. I am a pretty open person, at least I think a lot of things are fathomable. I never agree or disagree usually, but kind of find a way of saying maybe, because it is usually possible. I tried to explain that to them. They told me I am pretty much an odd cat, this I already knew.

Yesterday I received an email from an old friend from high school that I havent really kept in much contact with since I moved away. I mean we have kept in touch, but not a lot. I always become very humble to hear from old friends. I feel special to be thought of, I remember our good times, the times when I had good friends around all the time. I mean we all had our problems, mostly at home, but we all looked forward to coming to school to be together, to share moments. I have a hard time calling those days good times, but in fact they were nonetheless.

I feel guilty when I get in touch with someone like that. I left afterall. I moved on, I never forgot, but I just up and left like nothing. That had been the plan all along, and it wasnt hard at the time, but now I wonder about it. I see how all my friends lives have turned out, none horribly, but very different from mine.

I realized that I have a way of making people feel the need to tell me things. I was never a big talker until recent years, but I was always a great watcher and listener. I never talked much. I remember teachers always commenting on my unwillingness to social events.

I was very antisocial growing up, even as an adult I found it hard to open up. I dont know if I was afraid of people asking too much, or just because I was nervous. Family always tell me as a child I was stuck-up like because I was rude when people talked to me. When people talked to me I would reply with "I wasnt talking to you, go away" or something of the like. Later it grew into just withdrawal, and I would run away from confrontation. I dont think anyone really noticed, I didnt until a few years ago.

My ex boyfriend once mentioned to me that I may have some social issues and I was shocked. What was he talking about? Then he mentioned how I avoided meeting people, being alone with people I had just met, how I never left his side at affairs, and I would always find excuses to leave or hide somewhere. At every first few events I would become so nervous I would feel sick, and we would have to leave. I never noticed any of it, but once he mentioned it I knew he was right.

I thought more and more of growing up and realized how I never was able to socialize. I always found someone I knew and never left their side and never talked to anyone else. Anyone who tried to talk to me, I would feel sick and studder even, and eventually would excuse myself and run and hide. Dating someone who was very social helped, like the sink or swim theory. I learned to swim, really I think I did. I even became quite a hostess.

So as I was saying before, people open up to me. People I would never expect too. People who usually dont do that kind of thing for some reason, people that I sometimes dont even know just find themselves spilling their darkest secrets and life issues. Someone I hardly knew once told me I look like I already know anyways. She said when she saw me at the party and I looked at her, I looked like I already knew what she had wanted to tell someone, so she did.

I dont know why people do this, I certainly dont mind, it just wonders me. A lot. I always knew that I wanted to help people, mostly because I had a lot of help, and I feel the need to give back, but also because I think I have been through a lot and I feel that I do understand a lot of what people go through and I want to make it better. Hence the fostering. The only question is how do I make it better? I am told it is something you just do and know somehow, like an instinct. My instinct tells me I am in for a long ride.

My poor baby Chico is sick again. He has been off his medication for the last 4 months or so because he was all better, and right when we were about to get him fixed he started getting his mange again. He weighed in about 60 pounds this time!

We have him back on the oral and pills. We stuffed the pill into a penne noodle and he ate all the noodle and spit out the pill! We had to really trick him to eat it. I guess its not too great tasting and they had to up the strength of the medicine because he weighs more.

Chris you are a butt head.

Dennis is a funny monkey..

Me: you should come to my meeting wednesday...? I am having yummy food.

Dennis: What meeting? Where? When? Why?

Me: I sent you an evite to it. Its for whoever is interested in helping out for my fundraiser, its at my house, Wednesday night. I will resend it to you right now.

Dennis: I can’t sweetie! I have to be at work on Wednesday at 7pm!

Me: call in sick, jk.

Dennis: This is what that conversation would sound like:
RIIINNNNNGGG RINNNNG
"Hello?"
"Hey, Dennis? Its me, Dennis"
"Sup?"
"I'm not feeling too well, I think I'm gonna stay home tonight..."
"?"
"Hello?"
"Wow, I suddenly felt a little sick myself..."
"Yeah, it's kinda weird since we're the same person..."
"I know... Nice job on the cookies last weekend"
"Thanks, they were good huh?"
"Oh yeah... can't wait for the next batch..."
"Anyway, 'll see you when you get here... Oh wait you're -- we're already here!"

Thats when some random customer would look at me like I had poo on my face.

Sorry hunny... can't do it....

MUA!
d

Haha I told ya he was a funny monkey!

I dont know if anyone saw this on the news this past weekend, but it was pretty crazy. I know this is a touchy topic but this is just what I think, I really havent taken a side on it, but I think about it a lot.

As a teenager I was deafly afraid of getting pregnant. I wasnt actually even really interested in doing anything with a guy until I was already older than most, but it was still something that I saw happen to a lot of people early on. I mean of course I was curious, but I never really liked a guy that much till I was almost 18. I had friends who got pregnant while still in school and it was scary.

I dont know how they did it, I freaked out enough on them as it was, just worrying. I decided to wait to take any chances like that, mostly because I was a real man hater, at least I never trusted one, so there was no way I was willing to have one of their babies or take that chance. Anyways, you wonder what if, what would you do.

I used to say I wouldnt have a baby, but if I really thought about it, I could never have been able to live with myself. I still wouldnt be able to. Thats just me, what I know about me. It would be real easy to say I could do it if it were to happen and then go on with my life, but I know it would haunt me. I dont even think I could have lived or still ever could with myself doing the adoption thing either.

Anyways, a young girl died recently from using the abortion pill. From the news broadcast last night her parents are doing the campaign thing trying to spread the word about how dangerous it is. Supposedely, her parents werent even aware that she was sexually active. She was 17 when she became pregnant. She took the abortion pill at 7 weeks, and died within a week from an internal infection. She told her Father that she was having bad cramps when she was in pain.

From what I saw on TV they said any girl from the age of 13 can go and get the pill without their parent knowing. I looked through the articles this morning again, but I could not find that particular item though. That is disturbing to me though. I can see how a girl is more willing to get help and so on if it is private, but sometimes it can be dangerous.

I kind of feel that it is the parents responsibility to talk to their kids about these things, but I also understand that not all parents are able to get that kind of openess from their kids, especially teens.

Then there is the whole topic of whether a woman can even have this choice. I do think that no matter what she should have a choice, but I think the age should also play a part. If a doctor doesnt think it is safe for a woman to follow through with a pregnancy I think she should have the choice, if she is raped I think she should have a choice, and probably there are other scenarios that I think she should.

If she is a grown adult, who was careless, I would probably not think it would be right, but if she could live with it then maybe it is just one less child that will later be neglected, I dunno that is just my thought on it. I just know that I think for sure that a law should not decide whether or not, because there are always going to need to be exceptions, but then it will also be abused at times, but at least she had a choice. You can make arguments either way.

I think that if a woman decided to do it, then it was kind of meant to be. I think that if she didnt want it to begin with, it would be bound to be neglected, abused of some kind, and there are plenty of children going through that already.

Halloween rocks!

Although I havent really celebrated Halloween in like over 10 years, I had a blast this past Friday. I didnt dress up, but my friend and I went out and had ourselves one heck of a time.

I am such a lucky person, I really am. I do have a lot of lousy friends I know and I dont get half the attention from the people I'd like most sometimes, but I sure do have some really awesome friends who know how to have a fun time.

I work hard, and so when I party I also party hard and Chris is a good sport about it even if it took a while and he probably just doesnt say anything half the time. I think I danced so hard for so long my whole body is still aching. I musta been on my feet from 10pm to 6 the next morning, thats 8 hours!

Saw some interesting costumes too. Saw a J. Lo that was wearing the green dress, also heard she fell down the stairs and her boobs popped out. This one guy who is always tore up at Snowdrift was there in a black cape with a scream mask. He had a long skinny balloon sticking out his groan looking like a 2 foot green penis. Somebody popped it and he pulled out his little backpack, blew up a new one and was back in business!

Got an email from a good friend from high school from my website. It was good to hear from her. I love hearing from old friends, I had some good times with her which is nice because I didnt have too many of those back then. Thanks you Miss Dee for those good ole days!