Journal

JASON WILLIAMS NOT GUILTY OF MANSLAUGHTER !

Based on what i know from the case thats amazing!

Justice may be blind but it sure can smell money.

Chico brought a dead squirrel into my room last night. Didnt mess with it or anything, just came and dropped it off on the floor and went about his business. Thanks for the lovely gift boy.

Im going to Tango tonight! Ole!

Three things for today:

WOW!
YUMM!
and
I need a massage...

'dont knock masturbation, its only sex with someone you love.'

Nanner, Nanner!

Ive never met someone who understood me so much. Now I know how it feels. Yes I know Im strange, but I accept that and so does this person. Is that cheesy or what? Well I dont care. Its probably a once in a lifetime thing...too bad theyll never know that.

Haha, you silly fool. Always calling when you want something. So, so, so naive. Thank goodness I was born with a brain...

Bleh...I have a headache. And my motivation took a train ride to Boston.

It will be a two-story white house with mauve trim that has more attic & basement space than anything else. There will be no rose gardens, but instead ranuculus's in yellows, pinks, whites and ever color in between. It will have moss instead of grass. It will have a wild yard, with untamed wild plants, a cobblestone driveway and a vegetable garden. Out back will be avacado, plum, peach, lemon, pomegranate and guava trees with a large BBQ pit next to Chicos dog house. There will be a hill out back where a stream runs quietly. The beach only right over the hill will be easy access.

There wont be a fireplace in this home, but hardwood floors through out except the kitchen and bathroom which will have mexican tile. Only two bedrooms, each with its own bath. The two bedrooms filled with bunk beds, dressers and kids stuff. Bay windows in every room. A small living room area with built in bookshelves and alcoves. The kitchen will have brick walls, lined with wooden cookware. There will be no stove but a built in kiva style oven and one large wooden table with dried fruits and vegetables hanging from the low ceiling.

In the attic you'll find the library and toy area. All the walls lined with bookcases and tables and big pillow chairs in the middle with light coming in from little windows. One end will have a chest full of toys and stuffed animals. On another side, some easels and crafts. The walls you can see will be full of mural style pictures and hand made drawings and crafts.

The basement will be the real Yvonne room. My guitars and amps and music stuff in one area, my beading and craft supplies set up in another. All my little fundraising and activities set up neatly. A little space with my computer and paperwork in another corner. And in the last corner, a little cornered off area for me. My bed and my personal items all tucked away.

Children will run the household, make the decisions and do as they please. Yes...I said that. I never said I didnt like kids. I never meant I wasnt going to take in kids when I said I didnt want to have kids. Because I do and I will...one day.

I can see the waves crashing at night. I can hear children giggle at bedtime. I taste fresh fruits and vegetables while sitting on the back porch swing.

I am home.

"We could learn a lot from crayons: some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names, and all are different colors...but they all have to learn to live in the same box. "

"I play the music while the monkey dances. Sometimes the monkey gets tired, and I dance."

um....um....
Some people live for the fortune
some people live for just for the fame
some people live for the power(yeah)
some people live just to play the game
some people think that the physical things define
what's within and i bet that before that life's adore are
full of the superficial

Some people want it all
but i don't want nothing all
some people want diamond rings
some just want everything

yeah
some people search for a fountain
promises are forever yours
some people need the dozen roses

that's the only way you prove
you love them

hand me the world
on a silver platter
then what a what good it would be
no one to share
no one who truly cares for me

Some people want it all
but i don't want nothing all
some people want diamons rings
some just want everything
yeah

Baby's gonna be alright

And it don't mean I don't love you
When i put a gun to your face
It just means I wanna get rough with you

Baby's gonna be alright

My life should be sweet beach grass (hills of it) and flowers (the exotic kinds, like hibiscus and lotus flowers, and simple kinds like marigolds and buttercups), and a stream where I frolic with my friends and family (we'll have just had a picnic and need to cool off on the hot summer day, so we jump about in the stream and splash each other, and some people climb the big oak trees overlooking the stream and talk quietly), the shade from various fruit trees that I lay under and relax as the breeze cools my warm skin, Chico frollicking with children and playing catch, hearing the shoreline crashing not too far off, and . . .

My life should be a kitchen where I'm making taquitos with children dipping their fingers in the guacamole, library full of the books I can read over and over, a bedroom that is furnished in antique wood and bamboo as I sit on my bed with a notebook and doodle, and a living room where the family gathers to watch movies and eat popcorn.

My life should be a vacation to a new place where the culture is very different from my own (and I look around at the people and customs and feel that feeling of how big the world is and how different and alike things can be), and the return trip home from a long journey (when the kids are asleep in the back seat and I'm looking out the window and having a nice conversation with that special someone, and a hotel room where I stay when I visit my family or friends after not seeing them for a long time (and I order room service and eat little sandwiches, and my feet get cold so I snuggle under the blankets).

My life should be a country path lined with trees that are blossoming, pink and white, and the road is dusty, and I'm looking around and thinking that this is home.

Also, my life should be a series of smiles and sunshine and the neighbors coming to talk with me on the porch, and a white, sleeveless dress that I wear, and the good times that follow the bad.

I wonder if I lived this life in a past life. It seems very clear to me and somewhat impossible, like a dream.

Where is that house amidst the hills of sweet beach grass and the blossoming trees, and the stream behind it, and the porch, and the kitchen where I'm making taquitos?

It's around here somewhere, like a lost comb that I'll find if I look hard enough. I hope.

I dont know where to start. I am a mess. Yes really I am, but you know what. Thats not what I am worried about. I know I'll get over it, or move on anyways. What worries me is that everyone else wont. They never have and thats what gets me in a rut. I cant believe how negative and unsupportive some people are to people who need encouragement the most. And from those who are suppose to be loved ones, role models even. I know they dont understand, and thats why. But still, how can some people be so closed minded?

I suppose thats the sad part about society. You cant expect anyone to understand, or even try to. Whats even sadder is that sometimes, in my work with kids and such, I even come to expect the worse. But I never treat people that way, I just expect it, and usually thats what happens. Ok, not that makes sense to anyone but me, but oh well.

So I took the weekend to spend some time away from everything and just hang out. And what did I get? I got a shit load of crap from everyone for doing that. The ironic part is that the people who "teased" me about it, were the last people who should have. Kinda made me mad.

For a really long time I had a lot of pressure form everyone to do this and do that, what was supposedly best for me. Actually I still do, but not as much. I suppose everyone has expectations from their family and friends too. Anyways, I realized a lot about those things and how they werent so easy to achieve. One thing I realized was that those expectations, werent necessarily MY goals. Another thing I noticed was that even if that was a goal of mine, didnt necessarily mean that I wanted to go about it the way everone thought I should.

So my life has had a lot of changes the last 5 years or so, and it continues to do so. I didnt even start to really consciously think about those things until the last few months. I never stopped all those years to think long term, short and now about what I really wanted. I realize by not doing just that, that I am very unhappy with a lot choices Ive made and some of the things I do, but I am going to change that.

Ive never had the chance to explore all of these thoughts until now for many reasons, but now may not even be the best time, but I am going to. Ive missed out on enough as it is and unless I jump into this now, itll ony stall even more.

The only thing about doing just that, is that there are going to be so many grunts and comments from all those people with their expectations of me. I cant say that I dont care, because I do. Their approval and support is so important to me. But being true to myself is more important. I can only hope that they will understand.

So Ive been single now for about 5 months now. Seems so much longer. I realize that the last two relastionships I had were really for the wrong reasons. I admit I did change throughout those too which may not have been fair. But I think Ive only tried to become a better person, which is fair to me. I cant say that I didnt make any mistakes, because I did. But I also did my best.

At 24 I have been not been in a relationship for less than a year out of the 6 years since I turned 18. Ive never had time just to myself and nothing more. Honestly, when I think of the things Ive not experienced growing up, its a lot. But the one thing that I just realized now that I am having time for just me is that I never got to experience finding out who I am.

As soon as I was able to, I had to live up to these expecations and I was too busy doing that to stop and really think about it. Ive found out alot of about myself the last 5 months, but I need more time to figure it all out before I am ready to share my time for anything else. I am not saying everyone should stay away until I figure things out, Im just saying I dont know what I want right now. So if I act strange, just pretend to understand.

Ok, so a guy walks into a bar and sits next to priest ok? The guy is drunk as shit with lipstick all over his face, his suit stained with beer, and a bottle of liquor in his pocket. The guy picks up the newspaper and starts reading it. A few minutes later, the man turns to the priest and asks "Hey Father, what causes arthritis?". So the priest turns to the man and replies "Loose living, sleeping with wicked women, and getting drunk too much". So the man, after hearing this, says" Well I'll be" and goes back to his newspaper. A few minutes later the priest, feeling bad about what he said to the man, turns to the man and says" I'm sorry sir, I came on too harsh. Please forgive me. So, how long have you had arthritis sir?". So the man turns to the priest and replies "Me? Oh I don't have arthritis. I was talking about the talking about the Pope".

British vets find 28 golf balls in dog's stomach

MANCHESTER (AFP) - It was the mysterious rattling sound from the 18-month-old German Shepherd's stomach which first alerted the British vet to what might be wrong.

A subsequent operation removed no fewer than 28 golf balls from the dog's belly and -- unsurprisingly -- the mystery ailment which made her stop eating has been cured, her owner said on Friday.

Mike Wardrop said he was "gobsmacked" to discover what his pet, called Libby, had been up to during their daily walk around Didsbury Golf Club in Manchester, northwest England, where he lives and works as a bar manager.

The German Shepherd had developed a habit of hunting down golf balls and bringing them back to her owner, Wardrop said.

"It got to the stage where she would pick up four or five balls every day. She loved fitting them in her mouth.

"She would bring them to me and I'd have a laugh. I had no idea she was wolfing them down as well."

Libby stopped eating properly and when she began coughing blood was rushed to a nearby vets' surgery, where the problem was swiftly diagnosed.

"The vets didn't even have to do an x-ray because they could hear the balls and feel them rattling around," Wardrop said.

"They were having bets about how many would be in there. I think the highest bet was 11, so they were shocked when 28 came out."

Wardrop said he was keeping the balls -- which weighed a total of six pounds (2.7 kilogrammes) -- as souvenirs.

"They are all brown from the stomach acid but we are keeping them to show people," he said.

I start my first hotline shift Sunday. 7pm-7am... I hope its quiet.

I made beans last night, yumm. I might try to make some frijoladas tonight!

I straightened my hair today. Since when do I have time to do shit like that? Hmm. I miss my straight hair, just a little though.

I think Chico needs a friend, or playmate. I want to get a pet pig. The only difference would be that Chico has more hair!

Rampant Rhino Gets Amorous with Car

LONDON (Reuters) - A rampant rhinoceros gave a group of visitors a glimpse of nature in the raw at a British safari park when he tried to have sex with their car.

Sharka, a two-ton white rhino, got amorous with Dave Alsop's car when he stopped with three friends to take pictures of the animal mating with his partner Trixie at the West Midland Safari Park.

The 12-year-old rhino tried to mount the Renault Laguna from the side, denting the doors and ripping off the wing mirrors before Dave drove away with a puffing Sharka in pursuit.

"He was a big boy and obviously aroused," Alsop told the Sun newspaper on Thursday. "He sidled up against us. The next thing I know he's banging away at the car and it's rocking like hell."

A spokeswoman for the park, which says "rhinos are not particularly intelligent animals" on its Web site, said Sharka was a hit with the female rhinos and had fathered two calves in the last five years.

"He's got a bit of a reputation this lad and he was obviously at it again," she added.

I was eating wonderful food at 3 in the morning, but I think I was still too drunk to enjoy it. I want some Frijolitos so bad right now.

I really love being able to say to people that I am a trauma counselor, that I work with kids. Its something Im quite proud of myself about. Probably the only thing I dont feel selfish saying about myself proudly. I mean I am proud to say I work in Finance, and I am quite good at it. But that was something I was just born with, like a gift. Counseling on the other hand, I worked really hard on. It works me. Its just so different, and not like a job.

When I tell people that I am a counselor, I always get strange reactions. I can tell by their face expressions what they must be thinking. Its usually either a look like why? Or a look like wow, maybe I can talk to her about...yeah and some people just go cool, so this happened to me, what should I do now? And believe me I wish it were that simple, but its quite uncomfortable sometimes. It brings attention, something I dont always like. People think that because I am a counselor that I can solve their problems and right then and there. Shit I cant even solve my own at times. But its all good, I love it, everything about it.

Ever been on the spot? Yeah I feel like that like the majority of my day. Not because I am but because thats how I see things a lot. I realize I see a lot of things my own way. I read into things that aent there. Like people bossing me, I always think people are being bossy to me, and I hate it. But they really arent when I think about it and then I feel stupid. Im working on it.

My stomach has been a mess. I am always anxious to the point I almost feel sick. I dont know why its been so bad lately, but my therapist suggested an anxiety workshop. Im having a chai tea this morning though, and youd think that would help but it doesnt. It only irritates it I think.

I need some meat, some beef would be nice. I dont know why but Ive been craving beef a lot, Im sure a strange one.

Pssst....I forgot to tell you that I got to rub his belly!

I forgot to tell you all about my wonderful weekend. Well last week was really hard. I got some really bad news, and was pretty much a wreck for a few days, but now I am trying to deal with it as best as I can. I was lucky enough to have someone to talk to about it all, and it really helped. Thanks monkey...

It was Jens b-day so I tried not to let it get to me, and have a good time. We started out at the usual spot and our friend kept getting us drinks. I ran into a friend of mine who was there with another friend and we all had a good time. This one guy kept asking me to dance and he was obviously drunk so I said no. He must have asked me like 3 time and when he did, hes spit onmy face, it was gross. Russ B saw it and was laughing cause I kept wiping my face when hes talk to me. I finally told him to stop spitting on me. He said sorry.

My other friend, her friend and I wanted to go some other place, but Jen was already fading so she decided to stay. We ended up going to another club and having a blast.

The next day Jen and I were wiped out. We pulled out the lawn chairs in the backyard and slept most of the day. I had to work that night, but good thing it was pretty slow.

I want, I want to have chicken for dinner tonight! bawk, bawk.

I am so friggin lucky sometimes!

I am feeling pink today...and girlie, watch out!

I might be getting a belly again. The way Ive been eating, I wouldnt be surprised. I had steak twice yesterday! The only thing about eating so much is that it makes me sleepy. And I slept most of yesterday already, I shouldnt be tired at all.

But I love bellys, maybe Ill get to rub someones belly soon. Yee-ha.

I bleached my bangs. Everyone told me I would look retarded, but I dont care. I wanted to do it and I did. I think it looks cool. Funky, different and drastic, but cool. Its got like streaks of platinum, orange and yellow, its awesome.

I miss my brothers. Its not fair sometimes, but you gotta do what you gotta do. I dont remember ever having carefree days, or remember being a kid with no responsibility, but I do wish I could have one of those days just once. I wonder what it would be like. I wonder if I would like it. I dont think I would, but just once I would like to see what its like.

I dont have intimacy issues, I dont. Its just you, really.

You know, its funny. You just really never know where your lifes gonna take a strange turn. Its even funnier when you already dont know a thing about whats going to happen, and then something really unexpected happens. Yeah, its strange, but quite fascinating the way things work.

I am usually pretty bad when it comes to things like that. I just choose to not expect a thing, or to expect the worse. Thats just the way I work.

Lets just say I got quite an unexpected surprise yesterday. And yes, it was very nice!

Why thank you fine fellow, thats just what I needed!

Theres nothing I can do besides cry I suppose. But it hurts when you do so much to help others but you cant do anything for those who are dearest to you.

Reply on the shaved or trimmed or not forum:

"I don't like having to cut down old growth in order to part the beef curtains"

Had me rolling for a while there.

I found these really cool lowrider oldie CD's from Denise so I brought them to work to listen to and my sound wont work! I tried everything and I still cant get them to play. Sucks man.

Paul Frank rocks~! I was looking on e-bay for some stuff and there was like 50 pages of monkey stuff! Two of my friends b-days are coming up, I have to find some cool stuff...

Last night I dreamt
That somebody loved me
No hope, no harm
Just another false alarm

Last night I felt
Real arms around me
No hope, no harm
Just another false alarm

So, tell me how long
Before the last one ?
And tell me how long
Before the right one ?

The story is old - I KNOW
But it goes on
The story is old - I KNOW
But it goes on

Oh, GOES ON
And on
Oh, goes on
And on

There was a guy
An under water guy who controlled the sea
Got killed by ten million pounds of sludge
From new york and new jersey
This monkey's gone to heaven

The creature in the sky
Got sucked in ahole
Now there's a hole in the sky
And the ground's not cold

And if the ground's not cold
Everything is gonna burn
We'll all take turns
I'll get mine, too
This monkey's gone to haven

Rock me joe!

If man is 5
Then the devil is 6
Then god is 7
This monkey's gone to heaven

Some things that are taken out of context:

:: THE OFFICE

I need to whip it out by 5.

Mind if I use your laptop?

Just stick it in my box.

If I have to lick one more, I'll gag!

I want it on my desk, NOW!!!

HMMMMM, I think it's out of fluid!

My equipment is so old, it takes forever to finish.

It's an entry level position.

When do you think you'll be getting off today? (And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty but at the office, isn't:)

It's not fair, I do all the work while he just sits there!!!

..............

:: IN A LAW FIRM

Have you looked through her briefs?

He is one hard judge.

Counselor, let's do it in chambers.

Her attorney withdrew at the last minute.

Is it a penal offense?

Better leave the handcuffs on.

For $200 an hour, she better be good!

Can you get him to drop his suit?

The judge gave her the stiffest one he could. (And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty but in law, isn't:)

Think you can get me off?

..............

:: GOLF

Damn, my shaft is bent.

After 18 holes, I can barely walk.

You really whacked the hell out of that sucker.

Look at the size of his putter.

Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit more.

Mind if I join your threesome?

Stand with your back turned and drop it.

My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.

Nice stroke, but your follow-through leaves a lot to be desired. (And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty but in golf isn't:)

Hold up! I need to wash my balls first.

"life is like a penis...it gets hard at times"

Im a big baby today. I need a nap, I need my head patted, I need a chai tea, I need to be fed, I need to be cuddled. Yeah I am a big baby today. Im going home to snuggle with Chico.

"I love sushi more than you love rubbing fat men's bellies"

All I wanted was closure. I never meant to hurt anyones feelings, but I wasnt about to let things slip by. The most unspoken words are the most hurtful, maybe thats why they were never said, but that doesnt mean that they shouldnt be said.

I said them, now what? There still isnt closure, but thats all I want. I want to move on, I want to be over it, but I dont know how. Well no, I do know how, but you wont let me and I will not give in, its not even an option anymore. I will keep doing my best to end this. Move on Monkey Butt.

Worst pick up lines:

"are you a lumberjack because you've been giving me wood all day"

"guy>-Hey You wanna play hurricane?

chick-What?

guy-It's easy I lay on the ground and you blow the hell outta me."


"Let's play Lion you lay down and I'll throw you my meat. "

Screw me if I'm wrong, but is your name Gertrude?

"Oh my-- that shirt's becoming on you. If I were that shirt, I'd be coming on you too!!"

You touch his shirt and ask, "Is this cotton?" Wait for response. Then touch down in the crotch area and say, "Oh, this must be felt."

"You must be Jamaican because you're Jamaican me crazy."

"That outfit looks very good on you, but itd look even better on my floor."

"you have 206 bones in your body, want another?"

"If we lived in a nose and you were a booger...I'd pick you."

"if your left leg was thanksgiving and your right leg christmas, i should think so! for you have been boogie dancing in my dreams for a fortnight!"

"is it hot in here, or did it hurt when you fell from heaven?"

"my love for you is like diarrhea. it's hard to turn me down and i can turn you on."

"if i could rearrange the alphabet, shall i carry them for you?"

"Those two look heavy... Shall i carry them for you?"

"Do you have many overdue library books? 'Cause you've got the word "fine" written all over. "

-Im like a box of chocolates...u never know what ur gonna get ; )

-Your lips are like wine & i wanna get drunk tonight

-baby i'm as clean as a whistle...and u know what they do to whistles! (guys)

-will u buy me a drink? i seem to have dropped mine when i saw you

-baby call the cops cuz its got to be illegal to look that good!

-lets play house.. u be the screen door & i'll slam u all night long

-lets play army..i lay down & u blow the hell outta me (guys)

-do you have a map? i seem to have got lost in your eyes

-did it hurt when u fell straight outta heaven?

-i have an idea...why dont u sit on my lap & we'll talk about the first thing that pop up...(guys)

--If I said you had a nice body, would you hold it against me...Please??!!

-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.

-Are your legs tired? Because you've been running through my mind all day.

-Is your father a thief? Because he stole the stars from the skies and put them in your eyes!

-i lost my phone number, can i have yours?

-Do you have any french in you? Would you like some?

-is it hot in here? or is it just u..

-could this be love at first site? or do u want me to walk by again?

-If your left leg was Thanksgiving and your right leg Christmas, can I visit you between the Holidays?

"The word of the day is legs...spread the word."

"do you work for UPS? because i can see you checking out my package."

"in any other circumstance, i would SO hit on you!"

"that outfit would look really good crumpled up on my bedroom floor."

Thats all for today folks.

"I have a vibrator at work. Who hates life today?"

This isnt my quote, but I thought it was funny... haha