Journal

"Intimate relationships cannot substitute for a life plan. But to have any meaning or viability at all, a life plan must include intimate relationships."

"Assumptions are the termites of relationships."

Im tired. Ill feel bad later, but I am going to skip class tonight anyways. I need a break. Plus Im hungry because all I had today was a soup. Im kind of changing my travel plans for the year. I want to go to Cuba. But I still want to go to Galapagos, or Costa Rica. I am so confused...

Thanks to the Chadster, my back window is now back up! I still need to get a new part but at least now I know it'll be ok. Yippee. Oh so here's a quick plug: If you need ANYTHING fixed, hes the man for the job. Just ask me and I'll get you in touch with himnow that he's doing his own thing.

So huccum Saturay it didnt warm up until like noon? I so wanted to go to the beach, got up early and everything, but its was oogly.

Friday night sucked though, but I wont talk about it. Its just stupid, stupid, stupid. I should just stop it, so thats what Im doing.

Chico was especially bad over the weekend, I dont know why. Maybe he just needs to get out more. I need to get him a choke collar first though...

Im hungry...

I just broke the office shredder, seems I am in destruct mode...argh.

Any car fixer-upper people? My back window wont go back up...I just hope it doesnt rain...

Yeah today sucks! I'll tell ya later why, but heres some humor in the mean time. These are responses to a forum "What would you do if you were God for a day?"

"Rock out, with my cock out"

"Shoot lightning bolts out my ass!"

Ever get the feeling that something just isnt right? You wake up in the morning, take a shower, get ready and head off to work. You're driving and its still feels weird, something just isnt right. You get to work and what the heck, your neck itches, you go to scratch and damn it your shirts on backwards!

Yeah its one of those days. Its only 8:45 am, but I already know its going to be one of those days. I need a chai!

At least 3 of the groups I work with are going to be doing the Human Race this year and I have to pick one to sponsor. Only one! So which one do I do?

Well I think most of you know what I think about marriage, but I read this and thought it was funny so here ya go...

(A scene at City Hall in San Francisco)

"Next."

"Good morning. We want to apply for a marriage license."

"Names?"

"Tim and Jim Jones."

"Jones? Are you related? I see a resemblance."

"Yes, we're brothers."

"Brothers? You can't get married."

"Why not? Aren't you giving marriage licenses to same gender couples?"

"Yes, thousands. But we haven't had any siblings. That's incest!"

"Incest?"

No, we are not gay."

"Not gay? Then why do you want to get married?"

"For the financial benefits, of course. And we do love each other. Besides, we don't have any other prospects."

"But we're issuing marriage licenses to gay and lesbian couples who've been denied equal protection under the law. If you are not gay, you can get married to a woman."

"Wait a minute. A gay man has the same right to marry a woman as I have. But just because I'm straight doesn't mean I want to marry a woman. I want to marry Jim."

"And I want to marry Tim, Are you going to discriminate against us just because we are not gay?"

"All right, all right. I'll give you your license. Next."

"Hi. We are here to get married."

"Names?"

"John Smith, Jane James, Robert Green, and June Johnson."

"Who wants to marry whom?"

"We all want to marry each other."

"But there are four of you!"

"That's right. You see, we're all bisexual. I love Jane and Robert, Jane loves me and June, June loves Robert and Jane, and Robert loves June and me. All of us getting married together is the only way that we can express our sexual preferences in a marital relationship."

"But we've only been granting licenses to gay and lesbian couples."

"So you're discriminating against bisexuals!"

"No, it's just that, well, the traditional idea of marriage is that it's just for couples."

"Since when are you standing on tradition?"

"Well, I mean, you have to draw the line somewhere."

"Who says? There's no logical reason to limit marriage to couples. The more the better. Besides, we demand our rights! The mayor says the constitution guarantees equal protection under the law. Give us a marriage license!"

"All right, all right. Next."

"Hello, I'd like a marriage license."

"In what names?"

"David Deets."

"And the other man?"

"That's all. I want to marry myself."

"Marry yourself? What do you mean?"

"Well, my psychiatrist says I have a dual personality, so I want to marry the two together. Maybe I can file a joint income-tax return."

"That does it! I quit!! You people are making a mockery of marriage!!"

If it doesnt rain or turn out really ooogly on Saturday I am going to Capitola! I havent been there in so long...I have to stop, have a drink at Margaritaville, a Mexican Chocolate ice cream cone at the shop, chill on the beach and buy some new lingerie at Yvonne's downtown! Im excited!

Last night was interesting. We met at the hospital where we'll be spending alot of our time with trauma survivors. It was a little intimidating, but its good to see and get to know those things we'll need to know. Like that the cafeteria closes now at 2 because of cutt backs, so you have to munch on crap vending food most of the time. Yeah so I guess I will have to remember to keep loose change around. We all thought it was strange that the doctor who gave a small lecture referred to the survivors as "her victim", or "my victim". The interview and exam rooms are soooo small. Its fortunate that they were able to get any space at all for the center, but its still very teeny. I think I will be very freaked out at the firs exam I have to be there for. I dont know if I can hide my shock at some peoples appearance when they've been traumatized and it is very obvious, even horrifying. I know because we've already seen pictures...I suppose at the time you're so worried and want to be if help that you just do not let it get to you.

I miss the kids at the shelter. I still think about everyone of them almost every night. I wonder if the little boy I taught simple interest to, still remembers? Or if they youngest one is still running around trying to bite people? At least when Id leave the shelter, I would be content even if tired and all. Now I just feel overwhelmed and helpless. They tell us that just being there is so helpful to survivors even when we dont do much. Having support does help and goes a long way, but I still feel useless. I dont see what I can do. At least with the kids, I can see the differences and I know I am helpful.

I dont really like the new book I am reading, but I wont put it down. Its Amazing Grace by Jonathan Pozol, and was recomended to me by someone. I just dont like the way they talk, but I cant explain it. You know the way you say things, really makes a difference in certain situations. Like instead of asking a kid "did you do that?" in a demanding way saying "what happened here?" Well thats how I think of this book. What they write about is true and we all know a lot of the things, but the way they go about it, I just dont like. Its constantly talking about how these kids have no hope of being successful and I hate that. Iy doesnt say that exactly, but thats what it gives me the impression of. Maybe Im just being overly sensitive or something, who knows.

Can you believe I went to the movie theatre Sunday?! T and I went and had a nice little day out. I dont even rememer the last time I did that, except when I was in LA, and that was mostly just running around. Oh yeah and I ate and drank a little too much, cause I had a stomach ache all night after. I think it was just because I havent been eating well, and so I piggeed out. But most of you would probably say thats normal.

Anyways, we saw Taking Lives, and smarty pants T said he figured it out right away, I didnt but I thought it was pretty good. Angeline Jolie is way cool. And so is Ethan Hawke.

Next Saturday is my first and probably last one off of class for a while. Capitola Baby!

AH-HA! I found you all out. Everyone I know is conspiring against me somehow. Even the people that I didnt know, knew the other people, are somehow all working together. Its the only way I can explain how they are all driving me crazy! You silly monkeys!

Monkey Butt: Somehow we just need to be in eachothers lives. I wont let you cross any boundaries, but I will let you get as close as possible. I cant forget you just yet and it drives me crazy.

Jen: Well I guess you're the only one who hasnt really driven me crazy, but YOU are crazy~ ! haha

A: I cant wait to get to know you. It isnt quite crazy yet, but it will get there, I promise, because it always does. You've been warned.

J: Please dont expect anything now. I dont even know what I want. Good Luck Dork.

Andy: Hey sweety. I did not mean to shoot you down, I am just not ready to get married yet, if ever. But hey spontaneous is nice sometimes, its just scary too. I can honestly say I think you're the most sincere man Ive ever known and I do love ya for that. Dont change ever.

Ziggy Man: You sure have a way of popping up outta nowhere, but as long as you're happy so am I. Missed ya little bro.

Nise: Talk about moody.

Had a first on Friday. You know who you are, I wont embarrass you by saying more, but it was good. If only monkey butt would stop confusing me, I would really get to appreciate it.

"We usually know what we can do, but temptation shows us who we are."


I had an incredible birthday, I am so lucky and I truly love my family and friends.

**HI**

I forgot to mention something in my last post in regards to my new training. I have met a bunchof people like me. Normal people that is, that want to do what I want to do. That like things I like. I meet people all the time that think what I do is cool, but none that want to join me. So this is way cool.

I've decided to put off bitching until next week. No more bitching the rest of this week, although I have a lot to bitch about. I've decided to continue this week in a positive manner no matter what! No matter how negative things may be, there has to be something positive, right?

I started my training this past Tuesday. Will continue every Tuesday and Thursday night, as well as all day every Saturday for the next 2 months. So far the first class was ok, just a quick summary really of what I have to look forward to. Met everyone else in the group and went over the details of what we want and what is expected. In two months I will be a state certified trauma counselor. Sounds exciting huh! Well I decided to do this to get some more experience and training to help me when I one day hopefully become a foster parent. I have learned a lot already.

When I interviewed they ask you a lot about yourself. When we go through this training they explain that a lot about yourself will come up, you may recall things and you will have to see and hear some really horrible things, it will affect you. They want to make sure you can handle it all and you have a way to deal with it. I wont and cant really write details, but I can get it out that way I suppose.

Did you know that rape is a crime against the state and the person raped is only a witness and they do not decide whether to press charges or not? I didnt know that until last night. One other interesting thing to share. The thing that affects people the most who have been traumatized is how they are treated afterwards. Say you were traumatized and you told a friend. Say that person questions you, or in any way gives you some uncertain response, that will stay with you more that the actual experience. Makes sense.

Well enough about that, it isnt too positive. On a lighter note, I also started salsa classes. I have been dying to do some salsa, it is so fun, but I can never find anyone to dance with, so I started a class, and it is so fun!

Going to LA this weekend!!!!! Its been a while.